ONLY LIVING ONLINE

Jan Baxter – July 2001.


Her name was Jessie. An ordinary woman, divorced, late thirties, no children. A secretary. A good secretary, one who could be left to get on with things by herself, and frequently was….her boss Bill was a workaholic and expected everyone else to be the same. Jessie was. Not from any burning desire to do the job better, but for want of anything else in her life. She wasn’t much of a party animal, didn’t feel comfortable in clubs and her best friend had emigrated. Which was how Jessie found the Internet. That is, found out how to use it to socialize. A contradiction in terms really, the extent of the socializing was virtual reality chatting with anonymous people whilst slobbing out in a bathrobe eating Jaffa cakes. Jessie often thanked her lucky stars that none of her cyber-friends had web-cam access to her dark little room. “Sometimes I think I’m only living online…” she told herself.

He was special. He joined the chatroom Jessie used most nights and his sense of humour permeated everything he said. Jessie soon found herself laughing out loud as she sat alone in her room. Anonymous, of course. Jessie used the nickname “Cowgirl” because of the character from Toy Story 2, his nickname “Buzz” was what got them talking. No-one gave their real names in the chatroom, Jessie had been careful that her email address was prefaced with CowgirlJ@.... The only thing he’d be able to find out about her was that she was in the UK.

Within a week they’d exchanged email addresses, within two weeks she was sending and receiving many emails every night. She didn’t tell him where she lived, Jessie was too wise for that, but she knew he was divorced too. She knew he had no children. She knew he liked Italian food, Jack Daniels and Coke and the Eagles. Strange how alike they were, how much each of them revealed to the other in those ever-lengthening emails. He seemed to unburden himself to her, and she opened up to him as she’d never done before.

It took Jessie three days to log on to the instant messenger program he sent to her. By the end of that night, flirtatious emails were overtaken by the thrill of instant communication. He asked for a photo, she refused. She sent a description instead. “Poetic licence…” she thought as she hit the send button. His description didn’t sound like her perfect man; he sounded an ordinary reasonably good-looking guy. Green eyes, light brown hair. They flirted online. Jessie amazed herself at the things she dared to say, things she’d never dare say face to face. She teased him about taking a size 10 shoe “You know what they say about men with big feet…” His reply aroused something in her “Oh yes and it’s true…” She laughed it off, but in bed that night Jessie turned in a tangle of sheets, frustrated and aroused by the images in her mind, her thighs damp with a need she’d denied for too long.

The first time it went beyond a joke blew Jessie’s mind. How it happened she couldn’t quite remember, but she did remember telling him what she was doing, and his reply “Jessie, you make me do that every night….” He seemed to hesitate “Would it worry you if I told you I was doing the same thing right now?” Jessie replied that it was flattering and then laughed out loud again when his reply said “It’d be better if we were together…..”

She paused, wondering what on earth she was getting into….and his worried-sounding “Now I’ve upset you…” made her rush to deny it. She typed “I’m nervous. I’ve never done anything like this. Have you done this before? Had cyber-sex, I mean? Or is this your first time?” His reply reassured her “No, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never wanted to do it before…I thought it was rather sick and perverted before….but now…..” They both waited before he said “Please?” and that was all it took. Her fingers searching, moving in rhythm into the hot depths of her flesh and her nipples like bursting buds. If only she didn’t feel so empty….

His typed words described what he was doing to her, how he was doing it, asking if she liked her throat kissed, telling her how he’d touch her… She replied in words she drew from films, books, magazines and after a pause he responded “If you make love as well as you talk love…..” It wasn’t easy, stopping the pressure and motion to type what she wanted, but his responses were wild with passion. There was a sudden unexpected rush of flame through her body and the whirling heat in her groin had barely begun to die down when his message box said “Wheeew! I….um…thank you. You’re amazing!” Jessie felt the sheer pleasure of the moment and fidgeted on her chair as her thighs stuck together. She typed “Don’t think I’m a nymphomaniac, but…” His response made her laugh “Again? Hot stuff! Okay, this time just for you….” This time she didn’t bother replying during his messages, she just let go in a surging orgasm.

They were both rather distant signing off, but just as she was about to go offline, a message box popped up “I’m sorry, I’ve got to say it, that was the best time I’ve had in years. Thank you.” She answered “No, thank you. Goodnight.” That night she didn’t need to work out her frustration, she slept like a baby.

Another week passed. They grew closer, more intimate, talking about hopes and fears and most of all, about their fantasies, sexual preferences and sensitive places. Every night ended in an almost-simultaneous mutual orgasm, if a virtual one. Jessie was desperate to get to the computer each evening, and her work started to suffer. Her boss called her in as she was preparing to leave one night. “Jessie, you haven’t got your mind on work, look at this report. You’re going to have to do it again tomorrow, it just won’t do sending it to a client like this!” Fiery red with embarrassment Jessie apologized, promised to pull herself together and when her boss said jokingly “I thought you must have a new boyfriend!” she stammered denial and ran.

That night, she poured it all out. He understood. “I know, I’m the same. I screwed up a major order today because I couldn’t get my mind off you. It’s a good thing I’m the boss, no-one can yell at me! My secretary would normally notice, she’s cold and over-efficient, but I managed to cover up and I got away with it.” Jessie told him about her own boss, the ice-man, he had no emotions, no interest other than work. They laughed about working together “We’d never get any work done, believe me!” Then he went quiet for what seemed like an age. Jessie became worried and typed in “Have I said something wrong?” He replied instantly “No, you haven’t said anything wrong. Jessie, I want to meet. I want to know you in the flesh, in real life.”

Jessie went cold all over for a moment “I can’t, you know it’s not a good idea, it would spoil things.” Then she swallowed hard “I’m not beautiful, you know. I gave you a false impression when I described myself.” She could almost feel the smile in his reply “You’re beautiful to me, you’ve got a lovely sense of humour, we get on incredibly well and quite frankly you’re one of the sexiest women I’ve ever known. I want to be with you, Jessie, don’t say no.” They argued, back and forth with reasons why, reasons why not. Eventually, she gave way and the time and the place was set. Jessie didn’t feel right about it somehow, he soothed her, talked her into a state of desire and arousal, told her how he’d make love to her, how he’d lick her collarbones, stroke her thighs so gently it would be sheer pleasure. He told her how he’d probe her most secret places, touch and caress every part of her body, he’d kiss her slowly and deeply, he’d go down on her for as long as she’d let him….Jessie quivered with the thought, message box after message box appeared….it was 3am when she finally shut the computer down.

Monday night. In distress, Jessie logged on, immediately he was there. “Why did you stand me up? What happened? I was there for hours and you never showed up!” Jessie cried over her keyboard. “I did turn up, I was there but I couldn’t wait…..” He was angry and hurt, she could feel that. “You think I’m some sort of lunatic? A rapist? I thought we had something special, Jessie, you really hurt me!” Jessie’s tears dripped on her hands as she typed “No, listen…please, let me explain.” She drew a deep breath. “Explain then.” Jessie’s message was long. “I went to the hotel we agreed, it was easy to get out of work because my boss rang in sick with migraine, I was so excited and turned on, I wanted to be with you but when I got to the hotel lobby and found the statue, I got the most awful shock.” There came no reply. “I walked round the statue, and my boss was there! I almost walked right into him, I don’t know what he was doing there, but I hid behind a pillar and he never moved, he stayed right by that statue until I gave up and left over an hour later. I was supposed to be at work and he was supposed to be ill with a migraine! I’m telling the truth, I wanted you so much, I do want you, please can we arrange another day? I would’ve waited but my boss was there for over an hour, he kept looking at his watch all the time, I didn’t dare.” He replied “I had to lie to get there, I called and told my secretary I had a migraine….I stood there for over an hour looking at my watch…”

The penny took an age to drop. An embarrassing silence followed. Then his message box popped up “Jessie?” She drew another deep breath “Yes, Bill.” Another long pause. “Actually, I’ve never told you but I prefer being called Will. It sounds less middle-aged, and I’m hardly ready for a Stannah Stairlift yet…” Jessie laughed in spite of the awkwardness of the moment. Then on an impulse she typed “I’m opening a bottle of Jack Daniels to get over the shock. Do you want one?” There was another long pause “Yes, thanks. Over ice, not too much Coke….” Jessie typed in “Do you know where to come?” and his reply “Oh yeah baby! LOL..” made her Laugh Out Loud herself. Then with a hasty goodbye, she shut down the computer, and ran to change her shabby bathrobe for T-shirt and jeans, stopping on the way to shake the pillows and smooth the sheets on her double bed. Just in case. A good secretary always anticipates her boss’s needs, she thought, with a little thrill of anticipation.